The Calm

My extreme nervousness has been replaced with a blanket of calm draped over a little niggling feeling of restlessness. I much prefer it this way. This morning I thought to myself "why are you nervous about transfer day? It's just five minutes of stirrups and then sitting and waiting for a week. Better to be nervous about the blood test next Friday." And then the nervousness was gone. (Well, not gone, I can see it up ahead, ready to pounce on me next week.)

Progesterone shots are still going fine, though I'm bleeding a little after them. Might be because of the low-dose aspirin. I'm back on the antibiotics this week, which upset my stomach in the mornings if I don't take them with food, but it only took one morning without breakfast for me to remember. The steroids don't make me feel any different, just dehydrated. Tomorrow is the last day for both antibiotics and steroids.

I've been trying harder to look forward with hope and positivity. It's hard, since I don't want to crash and burn if the news is bad. But I'm trying to allow myself to think past a positive test and into the near future after that. I wish it was all about making plans to go baby shopping and paint the nursery, but it's more "will the beta double? Should I wait to tell people until I'm sure, even though a lot of people already know when the test is?" Jeez, infertility really ruins our attitudes, doesn't it? :)

I wanted to say, too, that I'm so happy to have all the support here from all of you. It's valuable to have support from family and friends who don't know what it's like to be infertile, and extra special to have support from family and friends who do. I like to imagine you're woven into my calm blanket.