Thursday, October 30, 2014

Quiet in body, frenetic in soul

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Most of the time it's not bad, but I can feel my shoulder muscles tensing as we approach our next ultrasound and every time Cory hugs me I get teary. I keep thinking "next time we get results, I'll feel so much better!" but we keep getting thrown curveballs and I never feel as content as I thought I would. I feel like this blog has turned into a stress-fest, and I feel bad about that.

I continue to overthink any symptoms I have, don't have, or imagine, turning everything into a checklist - when was the last time my chest was sore? How many times have I peed today and is that more than usual because I'm pregnant or because I happened to drink more water than usual? Is that nausea? Nope. Was that twinge because of the pregnancy or because of the drugs and how long has it been since I had the last twinge? It's maddening but I can't stop.


  1. Hi Megan! I've been following your blog awhile now, and I don't think it has turned into a stress-fest and I don't think you should feel bad about it! Better to express how you feel than bottle it up, and here you have an audience that will understand and will be supportive. I won't tell you to relax and be happy and to not over-think it because that is silly and insensitive. Infertility robs us of that innocence and the happiness that accompanies it and leaves us anxious, and I think that, above all other related things, angers me the most. So I will just say that I am hoping for the best for you, and am here following you, and awaiting your next ultrasound, and every other step of your journey.

    1. Thank you so much! It means a lot to know that there are people out there rooting for me who know what it's like to be in this situation. Most of the non-IFers in my life heard I was pregnant, gushed for five minutes, and now it's business as usual and I feel like I can't dwell on it with them - they won't get it.