The nurse called me about 1:15 - much better than last Friday! It was also lucky timing because I was sitting in the car with Cory so we both got to hear.
The nurse said that their threshold for a second beta is 40, and I'm at 56.22. She said it's appropriate, but they're not jumping off the walls or anything. I swear she said "not appropriate" and thought that was it, but Cory heard her say it was OK and the nurse reiterated when I asked. She could also tell that I wasn't thrilled about the number, and she told me to be positive, that it's good news, just not "jumping off the walls" good.
I thought that this call was going to give me a definitive feeling of relief, but it really didn't at all, probably because it was lower than I expected. I try not to compare myself to other betas but when I see them in the hundreds and I'm not even to 60... I'm still super worried. I feel like I'm walking across a slippery log over a river, and I got out past the bank but now if I fall it'll be into the water - it feels like there's so much more at stake now that I've gotten this far. I suppose I'll never stop being worried, but I was at least hoping for being content for a little while.
I don't know if these are symptoms, because I'm second-guessing everything now and who knows if it's pregnancy-related or hormone-related or whatever, but I'll list them out anyway without all that extra commentary that's running through my head and telling me I'm wrong and these are not symptoms:
* Still twinge-y. I don't notice it if I'm busy with other things, I have to listen to my body and be still for awhile, but they're there.
* It also sometimes feels like my uterus is hard. And sometimes when I sneeze or cough or stretch funny it twangs my uterus. Ow.
* My lower back is tired. Not necessarily sore, but tired.
* I'm tired too, even though I got plenty of sleep last night.
* Not "sore" breasts, per se, but sensitive - can't put much pressure on them or move them too much (like going down the stairs without a bra) or it hurts. I don't need a sports bra to sleep in or anything, they're not that bad.
* My skin is starting to break out just a teensy bit.
My homework for the next two days is to be positive and enjoy the fact that my beta doubled.
I'm glad the number is over the threshold, even if it isn't the number you want. Sending lots of deep breaths for the next test.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm trying to remember that I don't have to be an overachiever in this, it's OK that other people have had higher betas than me. It's not a score of how awesome I am. :)
Delete20 to 56 is pretty damn good if you ask me. What the actual numbers are is usually secondary to the way they behave, and so far yours are behaving very nicely. Fingers still crossed. Love your last sentence. That's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteThanks, that's a good reminder - I'll have to add that to my mantra!
DeleteI agree...the number actually more than doubled so it's doing what it's supposed to be doing. Hang in there. And yes, the worry never stops. We are here, holding your hand and hoping and praying with you. Will you have a third beta or will they schedule you for an u/s?
ReplyDeleteThey always schedule a third beta for all pregnancies; mine is on Wednesday. And then if all goes well, an ultrasound around the 10th of November.
DeleteI've been told over and over again that the doubling is what matters most.
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling of uncertainty but, you're doing great so far.
Keeping my fingers double crossed for you.
That was a good thing for me to remember - I reminded myself of that several times in the last few days.
DeleteMuch luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
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