Sunday, December 27, 2015


Ivy's first Christmas was a three-day affair, and it's safe to say she's exhausted.

On Christmas eve, we left Cory home for some daddy alone time, and went to my grandma's house to visit with her, my aunt, Mom and stepdad. We were hoping to see more extended family as well, but their flight from the Bay Area arrived too late for us and we had to go home in time for bedtime. But before bedtime, we opened gifts from Cory's side of the family!

Yum, presents.

On Christmas day, the three of us packed up the car and headed to my aunt's house, and Ivy proceeded to get totally overstimulated and under-napped. I tried a few times to get her to sleep but she wasn't having it, for the most part. She also tried a lemon for the first time (it was slightly adorable but we didn't get the severe puckers we were hoping for - she liked it!) and some sweet peas.

Boxing Day was another full day. We left daddy at home again (now he's sick, the poor guy) and went back to my grandma's house so that Ivy could spend more time with her grandma before she had to go home (which is 3 hours away and over the very snowy mountains). We set up her favorite gift: a jumperoo! She had three long jumping sessions in that thing yesterday, and I'm looking forward to more time to get things done with both hands while she bounces. Naps were a little easier yesterday, but she was still so tired by the end of the day that she cried all the way home. (An emergency nursing session on a pitch-dark back road halfway home only helped until we started driving again.) I have a feeling today will be full of naps and quiet time.

I have to say, it's probably one of my favorite Christmases in recent memory, and it all has to do with my bunny. So grateful and happy and in love am I. Here's to many more happy Christmases.

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2015


It's hard to find a couple of minutes to blog at this time of year.

Currently, my six-month-old(!) is lying on her tummy on her play gym, kicking her feet and getting frustrated because her toys are too far away and she forgets how to roll over and doesn't know yet how to move. And also it's 4:30am; she never wakes up this early but today was an exception apparently.

We took a quick trip up to Seattle over the weekend, to visit some of Cory's family. Ivy did fantastically well on the way up, our whole time there, and halfway back home - and then she was done. I call that a success! During our time there she was passed around to all kinds of people, and barely fussed at all, which I think was great, especially for a little one who is very clingy lately.

She also had a doctor's appointment on Friday - she weighs 14 pounds 2.5 ounces and I think I remember them saying she's 26.5 inches long. So she's something like 14th percentile for weight, 7th for head circumference, and 70th for height. We have a beanpole with a bean for a head.

Last week we also started eating purees! So far in her 4 or 5 meals she's had mostly bananas, but also some avocado and egg yolk. The first couple of times she gagged a bit but she's getting much better at it. She's super interested in grabbing everything at the table now; in fact I'm getting to the point where I'm not wanting to take her to any restaurants because she's not quite ready for a high chair (she can sit up pretty well by herself but it's such a toss-up on whether high chairs will be in good enough shape for her not to slide out of them) and it's getting less and less possible to eat with her on my lap.

Yesterday we spent a long day visiting family and friends, culminating with dinner with Ivy's very-very-close-in-age friend Henry and his family. It's always a treat to see them, not only because they're awesome but also because it's really fun to compare how Henry's doing with how Ivy's doing. His mama goes to baby groups so she sees other kids his age often, but it's rare for me. As always, it wasn't a long enough visit, but I'm sure as the kids get a little older and learn to play together our visits will lengthen. Last time they saw each other, they barely acknowledged each other, but this time they were looking at each other and grabbing ears and poking faces and it was fun to see them interact.

And now for Christmas festivities! Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and that the coming year gives you all kinds of happiness.


Friday, December 4, 2015

At Least for Now

Infertility sometimes feels (at its most basic and shallow, leaving out so much of the truth) like the longest line for the best ride. You stand in the scorching sun and the freezing rain, thinking you've come to the end but then there's a switchback, thinking the doorway you're passing through means the loading zone but surprise, there's awhile other section you couldn't see before; and now you can see the people on the ride going up the first big hill, and you can hear screams of delight from those further along, and you don't know if the sounds are just echoing off the walls or if you're really almost there.

And then, if you're lucky enough to make it to the end of the never-ending line, you are whisked off on the ride so fast that you start thinking wait, I wanted to enjoy the view from the top of the first hill; wait, couldn't that loop have been taller; wait, couldn't that tunnel have been longer. But you're at the mercy of Time, sitting in that little booth with all the buttons, and he's just a carny going through the motions, thinking about his next smoke break.

Last night I laid in bed while Ivy nursed to sleep and I stroked her head, feeling the same skin I felt as she was being born, though that night it was velvety and wet and I was blind with pain and not-having-met-her-yet and last night her hair was just a bit longer and her head felt so much bigger and I could see everything because of the Christmas lights in the window and because she is mine and we share the same soul, at least for now.

I spent last night a little teary, thinking about how fast we went from those long hours in the NICU and those long hours napping and nursing through maternity leave to almost CHRISTMAS. I remember looking up at the board that the neonatal nurses updated every day, looking at Ivy's updated age and weight, thinking "wow, she's a whole day old! Wow, she's a whole WEEK old!" and now here we are almost six months. It's going too fast, the days are slipping through my fingers. But I realized time can stand still in those dark nights when we lie in bed together, drowsy and getting heavy, no place to go, no deeds to do, no promises to keep. No screens, no clocks, no distractions, just the two of us, sharing the same soul, at least for now.