Friday, January 27, 2012

No More Drugs

I finally turned in the rest of my IVF drugs to my local pharmacy yesterday. It ended up being a two-day process, since the pharmacist could only take the estrogen and none of the progesterone. He also couldn't take any of my sharps unless I bought a container from him, which ended up being fine because I needed to load all of my clean needles into it too. (Of course, now that I'm thinking about it, it might not have been a bad thing to save myself a little money and keep my clean needles. Oh well.) So I shoved all my needles into the new container and took it back the next day. It feels good not to have that paper bag anymore.

I've been keeping myself distracted. I bought a ukulele and am noodling with it. Work is ramping up and will continue until our annual conference, for which I'll be flying across the country in March. Overall I feel good. Except for one weird quirk I apparently picked up (or continued, really, from the Year of Trying Naturally): around ovulation, I get really panicky. I haven't started back up with the FAM temping because logically I know it's not worth it, but when I'm fertile I feel like we need to TRY RIGHT NOW and then TRY AGAIN TOMORROW TOO. Of course it's never good timing, which makes the panic a little worse. I can't wait for my emotions to catch up with my brain.

Looked at various adoption websites in my spare time, too. Just don't feel like I'm ready for that step quite yet. I still have some IVF fight left in me.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Long Winter

I have a feeling I'll be pretty scarce, as there's never much to say when all you're doing is waiting.

I emailed ORM to ask if it'd be worth it to have a consult even though we couldn't start another round until we have more money, and they said it wasn't. I threw in another question about whether it'd be worth it for them to transfer my remaining embryos, even though I was pretty sure of the answer, and they said it wasn't.

So here I sit, listening to the figurative winter winds blowing outside, hoping for a miraculous natural conception again. That's about all I can do.