Sunday, August 30, 2015

Conception Day

Four years ago today Ivy was conceived, in the lab at OHSU, while I recovered from my egg retrieval. 32 eggs and Ivy was the champion. It's been a long four years (and also feels like it was just yesterday), and while looking back at how much heartache we suffered is hard, I feel like I'm the luckiest mama in the world.

baby i

Monday, August 17, 2015

Two Months

Ivy is two whole months old (tomorrow). Every time she does something new, I melt with simultaneous extreme love & excitement for a milestone, and extreme fear that life is moving so fast.

Ivy is such an easy baby, still. She has been sleeping "through the night" (at least 5 hours) for over a week, and has just about made it to eight for a record the other night. I tend to wake up before her a lot of the time, either because I'm uncomfortable (I try to give Cory lots of space, but we only have a queen bed, so I tend to end up in strange positions so that he can stretch out a bit without smooshing the baby) or because I think "holy cow, she can't still be asleep!" Or because she starts wiggling in her active sleep phases, which she does a lot as she starts thinking about waking up, even though it could still be almost an hour before she actually does. Then she will have some breakfast and fall back asleep, and doesn't really wake up for the day until around 11. I tend to stay either in bed, letting her sleep on me, or very close to it (like folding laundry at the foot of the bed), as she sleeps so much better when she's got her cheek on my breast or an arm flung over some part of me.

During the day, she is getting busier and more vocal. I put her in her little play gym, where she stares at the dangling toys and flaps her hands and kicks her feet. She spends a lot of time in my lap, either with her back against me, looking out at the living room, or lying down (though she barely fits anymore) with her head on my knees and her little feet up my torso, or over my shoulder, practicing holding her head up. She takes little teensy catnaps on the couch next to me, or sometimes in her MamaRoo, or there on my lap. We have lots of kissing sessions and chats. And then we go to bed at 9 or 10 and she nurses to sleep with no fussing. (Of course, earlier in the evening during the witching hour she gets a bit fussy, but it's nothing that Cory and I can't handle with a bit of dancing and walking around.)

She's also learning to smile. She's got tiny little flashes of them now, though they're not super sustained and don't happen all the time. They started on the changing table, mostly when she didn't have any diapers on, but I see them now when she's in her little play gym. Sometimes she'll coo and I'll look over and she's smiling at her toys.

I feel pretty confident with her now. I'm still a little hesitant of taking her to restaurants or other places where people might not like having a crying baby there, but I haven't had to leave any public places to soothe her yet. One thing I'm not so good at, however, is figuring out how to get anything done around the house when we're alone together. She will sleep for short bursts during the day, or be happy in her play gym or lying on the couch for a few minutes, but that's only long enough for me to make food usually. I have a whole list of things I need to do (clean out the cat box, clean the bathrooms, that kind of thing) but she can't be with me when I do them. I'm sure it'll get easier when she actually has cohesive naps rather than lots of little catnaps, but for now I have to wait for Cory to come home and hang out with her so I can do chores. And take showers and such. I'm thinking I'll try to go to the La Leche League meeting that's this Thursday evening, hopefully I can find some mamas who I can start hanging out with. Making friends is hard.

I go back to work in just a few short weeks and I'm dreading it more and more as it approaches. This morning as I laid in bed with Ivy cuddled up against me, it made me so sad to think that I won't be able to have peaceful sleepy mornings like this for much longer; I'll have to be up and getting ready to take her to daycare and me to work. Speaking of daycare, we're having a family meeting tonight to talk about our prospects. The centers are still chock-full, but two coworkers have recommended two separate in-home daycares to me, so we need to call them and set up a time to meet them. One of them has very reasonable rates but she's not as experienced as the other. I'm still having a hard time just calling the providers to inquire - I just want to stay home and take care of her myself!

Although I don't want Ivy to keep growing, I am really looking forward to this fall and winter; to share pumpkin patches and Christmas trees and family get-togethers and handmade sweaters and footie pajamas and maybe even SNOW with her. So excited.

The Cutest