Last night I had an anxiety nightmare that involved someone trying to get rid of his children and then breaking into our house and I couldn't find a phone to call 911. I woke up at 4am and had a hard time getting back to sleep.
The ride up to ORM was slow. Traffic was pretty bad and Cory did a good time distracting me by talking about other things, but every once in awhile I noticed that every muscle in my body was tensed and I had to deliberately take a breath and release them.
We were fifteen minutes early even though traffic was slow (we left an hour earlier than we need to, just in case of traffic), and we didn't have to wait long at all for a room. I got up on the table and the nurse came in to check me out (our doctor is out of the state at a Men Having Babies conference).
I had a feeling it was going to be good news as soon as I saw the ultrasound - the baby had definitely grown! The nurse immediately pointed to the screen and said "there's the heartbeat. We'll see if we can hear it in a sec, after I measure it." It measured I think 6 weeks 3 days, which is still behind a week but it's growing and that's what's important! Then we got to hear the heartbeat. It's 123 bpm, which is a teensy bit slow for the gestational age is but it fits with how it's growing and she wasn't concerned. I had a few happy tears when I heard the pumping on the Doppler. The nurse actually said she was checking my chart and wasn't sure why my doctor had scheduled a second ultrasound so quickly after the first, which I took to mean that the baby looked great. Then she asked who I was going to use as an OB. I wanted to say "uh, I had to make sure this baby was going to stick before I started thinking about an OB!" but I just told her I'd figure that out by the time I came back in two weeks for what I think will be our last ultrasound before we graduate.
Then I had another quick blood test (I have yet to hear about results but hopefully they will say I can start weaning myself off of the hormones) and the phlebotomist gave me a book (Pregnancy 411 - looks like a What To Expect-style book) and an ultrasound photo that showed the heartbeat as well, and we were on our way.
We practically floated back home. I think I had a big stupid grin on my face at the grocery store too. I feel so relieved, and am ready to let myself plan with abandon now. No more being worried for a little while. I'm just going to enjoy this right now.