Accidental Visualization

Visualization is one of those meditations that everybody seems to have to work at. "Imagine it, and it is so." I wish it were that easy, because ever since our "road trip" my mind has been coming back again and again to the visualization of "my children." When my mind isn't focused on something, it slips into fleeting glimpses of twin towheads gallivanting at the beach or clearing plates off the dinner table. Sometimes even when I'm in the middle of a thought they'll peek into the edges of my subconscious with their blue eyes, smiling at me. I keep trying to brush them away. Quit making me excited and hopeful, I need to steel myself for the eventuality that you don't exist. But there they are, and there they'll likely stay as the next seven weeks unfolds. And that's OK I guess, since I only halfheartedly want them to leave.