I feel leaps and bounds better now. I think I scared some family members when they read my last couple of posts, and I guess I can see why - I was so optimistic, and so happy, and then when I crashed I crashed hard. Sorry about that.
I feel so lucky - I have such a great support system, and I'm so lucky. C and I have both gotten telephone calls and encouraging emails. My aunt called last night (we don't talk very often, so it was nice to hear from her) and she helped so much. And time helps too. Today I spent time with my grandma and I talked about future children again as if I was back in July, with hopefulness and happiness for the future. I allowed myself a few days to be bitter and unhappy and angry at the world, but I feel like I've officially picked myself back up to try again. Although this time I'm treading a little heavier; I feel like I'm not bursting in on this cycle singing and throwing flowers. I'm more tiptoeing and looking around suspiciously. But at least I'm moving forward.