Last Sunday night was pretty rough. I tried making myself into a cyclone of chores-completing to keep from melting into a puddle, and then I did anyway. It didn't help that Ivy was rolling over, and then was being the lovey-est chattiest baby ever. I couldn't bear it.
After I had my several good cries in, my nose kept running. Uh oh.
So Monday morning came, and we made the trek out to daycare. It takes half an hour to get there, as it's on the other side of the next town over. I went over the things in the diaper bag, handed off the frozen milk collected in the NICU, and nursed Ivy since we were early. I handed her off and practically ran outside to the car so I didn't have to cry in front of anyone.
Monday was actually not as hard as I thought it'd be, all things considered. Everyone was welcoming me back, and there was just enough work to keep me busy. I set up my pumping station in Cory's office (I work in a cubicle so I'm glad to be able to use his space). And then it was time to have lunch with Ivy.
I nursed while Cory ate lunch, and he cuddled her while I ate, and we watched the other kids play. I had hoped that Ivy would see me and be excited, but she was a little groggy so it wasn't a special reunion or anything. The lunch hour was over too soon, and we trudged back to work again for a few hours.
In the evening, we picked her up and brought her home, and it felt so good - but then I had to do diaper laundry and eat dinner and restock her diaper bag, and it was frustrating that my only three hours of time with her had to be shared with chores. I had also lost my voice - that runny nose was starting to progress into something worse. It was bedtime almost immediately (or so it seemed).
Monday night was rough too, but in a different way. Yes, I was emotional here and there, but I started getting chilly, and then freezing. I got up to find socks and a sweatshirt, and suffered my way through a fever for the next few hours. When it was finished, I took everything off again as I was all sweaty. Ivy slept through all of it, which is good.
Tuesday morning we rushed around like chickens with our heads cut off. We were trying to go off of mental checklists, and my fever meant I needed to take a shower, which I hadn't allotted any time for. But we made it.
The rest of the week was similar. Ivy napped like a champ there, though she hadn't done so for me. A couple of times I showed up to nurse at lunch and she'd just eaten, which made me super sad. One morning she fell asleep on the way there and didn't wake up when I dropped her off, so I couldn't say goodbye; that prompted some tears in the car. But my cold got better, my voice came back, and the week progressed. I actually even navigated negotiations for a new job (same company) that I interviewed for the previous week - that added a whole other layer of stress to this week. But now it is the weekend, two whole days of baby time!! And I fully intend not to squander them.