Eve

I've been coping so well during the big Two Week Wait. Last week I was easily able to push it out of my head because it was too far in the future for me to think too much about, and I had to prepare for the renaissance faire. Then this weekend (plus Friday) I was running non-stop from gig to gig at the faire, in the 95+ degree weather, sweating through my corset. I got home Sunday night and took a shower (post-faire showers are the BEST) and got all the dirt and sweat off of me, and got into bed and realized test day was three days away and had a good cry. Of course, most of the cry was from being exhausted, but it was the beginning of the nervousness that I knew would pervade the rest of the Wait.

Yesterday and today were better; I was busy at work and was able to keep my mind off of it for the most part. And now tonight, I don't want to go to bed.

Tomorrow morning the lab opens at 7:30 and I'll be there waiting at the door. (I don't have to go all the way to the fertility clinic, thank goodness, I can just do the test in town.) Then they have to fax my clinic the results and then my clinic will call me at some point during the afternoon, after 1:30, with the results. (Yay for at least six hours of pins and needles!)

I have a good feeling about this, but I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up. Everybody else says they're sure it'll be positive, because what else are you supposed to say to an IVF patient who's on the verge of finding out whether it worked. And I know that no matter how well I keep my feelings in check before the call, if the answer is no I'll have the same reaction.

Here's to a quick Wednesday, whatever the outcome. I'm ready for this chapter to be over.

Seven More Days

I told myself I wouldn't think about it, but I am. Of course. Do they like it in there? Are they happy? And why can't I feel it yet? In my head I know that's so silly, that the progesterone isn't giving me sore breasts and so the lack of sore breasts doesn't mean anything. I'm keeping myself busy with work, and this weekend with the faire, and the time will fly by; but of course down in the depths I'm wondering if they've found a nice little cozy spot to hang on and grow. Grow, little guys, grow!

Sonogram

Here is a photo of the ultrasound at the moment of transfer. If you click through to Flickr and hover over that photo you'll see notes that kind of help explain things, but the black mass on the top and down the right side is my giant unhappy bladder, and the bulbous thing on the lower half is the uterus with the cervix off to the right. In the center of the uterus is a horizontal line: that's the catheter as it's transferring the embryos.

Cryo Report

The embryologist called and left a message: yesterday after the transfer he froze two embryos, and today he froze four more. So there are 6 little embryo popsicles waiting for us if we have any issues with the two who are hopefully busy cuddling up to my uterine lining, or waiting for some other couples who haven't gotten any uterine cuddling yet.

Transfer Day!

Today was transfer day! After a nearly painless PIO shot last night, I was happy and ready to go at 7:45am. I filled up my water bottle with 20 ounces of water, and after a stop at the rest stop promptly at 9 I chugged the water and was ready to to by 9:30. The embryologist came and talked to us about how the embryos were looking great, and we would definitely have some to freeze.

At 9:45 the nurse had gotten me into a (super cold) room, and she did a quick ultrasound on my lower belly. "I can't even see your bladder! I'll go get you some more water and give you fifteen minutes." She came back with two 12-ounce cups and left me to it.

At about 10:10, the nurse came back and did another quick ultrasound. "That looks better, but not good enough. I'll go get you some more water and give you fifteen minutes." She came back with two more 12-ounce cups.

As I was drinking that water, the doctor came in and chatted about how many embryos we wanted to transfer. I told her about how after the retrieval that doctor had mentioned maybe only transferring one due to my OHSS risk, but that I'd been weighing and measuring myself and everything looked good and I felt fine. So two it was.

At about 10:30 the ultrasound finally looked good, but now the doctor was seeing to another patient because it was taking me so long. So she left me to lie on the table for awhile until she could round up the doctor and the embryologist.

Finally as my full bladder started to get hard to bear, in came everyone. The ultrasound was pushed hard into my lower belly, and the doctor put in the speculum and then the catheter. When it looked like she was in the right place the embryologist came in and handed the doctor the embryos, and she transferred them in. I wanted to watch and enjoy it, but I had to dig my fingernails into my other finger pads, I had to pee so badly. But I was holding on for when they were done, when I could pee and then lie flat for half an hour.

Except then they said that I had to lie flat FIRST and then they'd let me pee.

They all left and I was surprised by happy tears; it was so nice to finally get to this point!!

I lasted about 8 minutes with the urge to pee completely killing me, and then C went out and asked the nurse if there was anything they could do. She came in and grabbed a bedpan from the cabinet and let me do my thing in there. It was a really weird feeling, lying on my back to pee. But once that was done I was able to actually focus on relaxing and making my uterus look extra pretty for my new tenants. Please move in, new tenants!

PIO Update

Last night we attempted the second progesterone in oil shot. And it went swimmingly! I warmed up the dose and iced myself well, and C was great - it barely hurt at all!

Day 3 & Day 1

Yesterday afternoon the nurse called to tentatively schedule a Friday (Day 3) transfer. She didn't really have any news about the zygotes, but she said the embryologist would call Friday morning to let us know whether we should hold off until Sunday (meaning the zygotes were doing well enough that they didn't have to immediately be transferred back into my uterus). I reminded her that we had to drive an hour and a half to get there, and so the embryologist should call as early as possible, but our launch time this morning came and we hopped in the car and figured we'd wait for a phone call en route.

When we had been driving for almost half an hour the nurse called again, and said that she'd looked at the embryologist's report and the zygotes are doing really well! So she scheduled the transfer for Sunday at 10. It's a quick procedure, and then I lie down immediately afterward for half an hour, and then I spend the rest of the day on the couch. Unfortunately, I have a choir rehearsal - last one before the upcoming renaissance faire - and I was hoping I wouldn't miss it. So everyone else is deciding whether they want to come up here to rehearse or if I'll just miss it.

Yesterday was day 1 of my progesterone shots. I had been dreading it all day long, and in the evening beforehand I'd all but forgotten about it but this lingering sense of dread was hanging around and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Oh yeah.

I warmed up the dose between my thighs for awhile, and then paced around icing the spot, and had a hard time settling down to drape myself over the counter so C could do the deed. He even hesitated a few seconds after he said he was ready, and when he finally did it I jumped. Once it was in it wasn't so bad, and I feel better about doing it today, but it didn't stop me from crying last night after it was over, mostly from the anticipation and nervousness leaving. Also, I haven't cried much at all during this whole process so I guess it was time.