Even though we were approved last Friday, it took us until today to finally sign the contract for financing. Yesterday I was on the phone with Mom and during our chat she said "if you do have twins, you won't be able to work! All your money would go to daycare!" and the more I thought about that the more the snowball rolled down the hill and the more bills and payments and worries grabbed on until I got clobbered with it. I had a rough afternoon, panicking about the next three years. Then last night and today C and I (separately and together) made peace (well, as much as we could) with adding another $330 monthly bill to our finances.
So I think that the hard decisions are through for this cycle, and now it's just the physical stuff I have to work through. My FSH and estradiol test will be coming up in about 2 weeks. Scary, but exciting.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
$$$
Today, I called ARC, the company that my doctor recommended we go with for IVF financing. (The financial counselor recommended we wait until after we started our FSH, which went into effect yesterday.) And it tried to ruin my morning!
I'd called mostly expecting to get more information about my options, and figured that the questions the lady was asking me were mostly just to get me into her system, but about halfway through I realized she was filling out the credit application for me. She was pretty brusque, not really answering my questions very well and not sounding happy to be working at all. At one point she asked if I wanted my medication to be financed as well, and when I asked her if I could think about it and add it later she said "no, it needs to be on this application now; I have to send it right now." Then she asked for my annual gross salary and C's. Of course, C was out sick, and the HR manager was in an off-site meeting, so I apologized, put her on mute, and frantically tried calling C and trying to figure out how else to get that information. After a few minutes of checking in here and there with the lady and apologizing again, she asked if I wanted to call her back with it (uh, yeah, that's why I asked if I could!)
C had been asleep, which is why he didn't answer his phone, and when he woke up and called me back awhile later I was all flustered, and he was groggy and not feeling well and didn't really welcome my request to IMMEDIATELY GET ME INCOME INFORMATION, so we ended our phone conversation about as brusquely as the lady at ARC did with me.
But then I called back and talked to another lady and she was all sweetness and cheerfulness and made me feel much better. She offered to email me the form (why didn't the other lady do that?!) since apparently those forms can't be saved partway through the process, and now I'm sitting at home with signed applications ready to scan and email them back.
Too much excitement for one loan application, I say.
Oh, also, I got my bloodwork results back from last week's dribbling-into-the-vial visit. Everything looks fine except for Vitamin D, which I got a HUGE prescription for (50,000 IU per pill, to take twice a week!), but no STDs and all up to date on immunities. So that is good!
I'd called mostly expecting to get more information about my options, and figured that the questions the lady was asking me were mostly just to get me into her system, but about halfway through I realized she was filling out the credit application for me. She was pretty brusque, not really answering my questions very well and not sounding happy to be working at all. At one point she asked if I wanted my medication to be financed as well, and when I asked her if I could think about it and add it later she said "no, it needs to be on this application now; I have to send it right now." Then she asked for my annual gross salary and C's. Of course, C was out sick, and the HR manager was in an off-site meeting, so I apologized, put her on mute, and frantically tried calling C and trying to figure out how else to get that information. After a few minutes of checking in here and there with the lady and apologizing again, she asked if I wanted to call her back with it (uh, yeah, that's why I asked if I could!)
C had been asleep, which is why he didn't answer his phone, and when he woke up and called me back awhile later I was all flustered, and he was groggy and not feeling well and didn't really welcome my request to IMMEDIATELY GET ME INCOME INFORMATION, so we ended our phone conversation about as brusquely as the lady at ARC did with me.
But then I called back and talked to another lady and she was all sweetness and cheerfulness and made me feel much better. She offered to email me the form (why didn't the other lady do that?!) since apparently those forms can't be saved partway through the process, and now I'm sitting at home with signed applications ready to scan and email them back.
Too much excitement for one loan application, I say.
Oh, also, I got my bloodwork results back from last week's dribbling-into-the-vial visit. Everything looks fine except for Vitamin D, which I got a HUGE prescription for (50,000 IU per pill, to take twice a week!), but no STDs and all up to date on immunities. So that is good!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
6 Vials
At our consultation, the RE confirmed what we thought - ICSI. He even told us that IUI, while cheaper, wouldn't be worth it to try before the ICSI. So we talked to the nurse about what to do and when, and we talked to the financial counselor about how much to pay, and I reminded myself all the while that even though I could start with my next cycle in two weeks, I didn't have to be so quick and it would be silly to impose a meaningless deadline on myself.
Turns out I don't listen to myself very well.
Last week, with the end of my cycle looming, I laid awake trying to figure out how I was going to get all of my ducks in a row before my next cycle. I furiously wrote notes and tried to come to terms with adjusting my spending habits and eating habits all in a week. And the deadline I told myself not to set was coming up, and I was so worried about missing it. I cried to C that I was nervous about missing the deadline even as I was annoyed at myself for setting it in the first place. It felt good to articulate what the problem was.
So then I slowed down, and filled out my Flexible Spending Plan application, and scheduled a day for myself to call Arc (a fertility financing company), and just let my next cycle come. And it felt much better, doing things at a normal pace and not stressing about making imaginary deadlines. This morning I called my primary doc about getting a prescription refill for blood pressure medication and was able to get in this afternoon. While I was with him I showed him my checklist of blood tests I needed pre-IVF, and he got the phlebotomist in right away and she took six vials of blood. We chatted while she did her thing, and I commented on how odd it sounded for my blood to hit the side of the vial - it sounded like dribbling.
Today is CD4, which means I have just under a month until we're starting this for real. And I feel good about it - the only time I really freaked out was the night before I filled out the FSA application. (The whole "use it or lose it" thing got me; it almost felt as big as the day we decided to start trying to conceive, long ago, only bigger since a decision like that doesn't usually cost $12,000.) Now I really feel ready!
Turns out I don't listen to myself very well.
Last week, with the end of my cycle looming, I laid awake trying to figure out how I was going to get all of my ducks in a row before my next cycle. I furiously wrote notes and tried to come to terms with adjusting my spending habits and eating habits all in a week. And the deadline I told myself not to set was coming up, and I was so worried about missing it. I cried to C that I was nervous about missing the deadline even as I was annoyed at myself for setting it in the first place. It felt good to articulate what the problem was.
So then I slowed down, and filled out my Flexible Spending Plan application, and scheduled a day for myself to call Arc (a fertility financing company), and just let my next cycle come. And it felt much better, doing things at a normal pace and not stressing about making imaginary deadlines. This morning I called my primary doc about getting a prescription refill for blood pressure medication and was able to get in this afternoon. While I was with him I showed him my checklist of blood tests I needed pre-IVF, and he got the phlebotomist in right away and she took six vials of blood. We chatted while she did her thing, and I commented on how odd it sounded for my blood to hit the side of the vial - it sounded like dribbling.
Today is CD4, which means I have just under a month until we're starting this for real. And I feel good about it - the only time I really freaked out was the night before I filled out the FSA application. (The whole "use it or lose it" thing got me; it almost felt as big as the day we decided to start trying to conceive, long ago, only bigger since a decision like that doesn't usually cost $12,000.) Now I really feel ready!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Consultations, DI Ramblings
I called Oregon Health Sciences University, and Oregon Reproductive Medicine, last week to schedule consultations. Tomorrow at 9am is OHSU. I'm half hoping that I like OHSU well enough that I don't feel like I have to spend $350 just to talk to the doc at ORM. But we shall see.
C and I talked last night at length about donor insemination, and the pros and cons of that particular procedure. I think we basically came to the decision that we don't want to go that route unless there's no way I can get pregnant with C. It is so much cheaper to go the donor route, and that is very attractive to us right now; but we really want this baby to be a part of us both, enough that it's worth the extra money.
I hurriedly filled out the OHSU paperwork that assumes we're going to the doctor because *I* have a problem and not C, and scribbled some questions down from here. More tomorrow.
C and I talked last night at length about donor insemination, and the pros and cons of that particular procedure. I think we basically came to the decision that we don't want to go that route unless there's no way I can get pregnant with C. It is so much cheaper to go the donor route, and that is very attractive to us right now; but we really want this baby to be a part of us both, enough that it's worth the extra money.
I hurriedly filled out the OHSU paperwork that assumes we're going to the doctor because *I* have a problem and not C, and scribbled some questions down from here. More tomorrow.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Palm Reading
So, I'm not a big believer of palm reading or anything like that, but I thought it'd be fun to go to one while I was in New Orleans for a business trip a couple of weeks ago. (The conference that I was working had a social one evening at Mardi Gras World; it included an amazing group of drummers, palm and tarot card readers, a couple of bands, and even fireworks.) I figured since it was free, I might as well try it, since if I ever had to pay for it I'd probably never do it.
After standing in line for an hour and a half or so...
The reader sat me down and hovered her hands over my palms, stroking the air, and asked "do you have any questions for me?"
"Tell me about babies!"
"Oh! You want them? When do you want them?"
"Oh, a year ago or so, heh."
"...Well, you don't have any barriers, you should be fine."
"That's true - it's not me, it's my husband."
"Ah, yes! So what are you doing about it so far?"
"We think that IVF is probably our only option..."
"I see that being successful once; but I see you having a few babies; it looks like all your husband really needs is a little help and then he'll be fine. And then you can have a whole baseball team if you want."
She also found ovals on my palms, which I guess represent something incredibly emotionally stressful and difficult that I've been protecting myself from; and that it happened a long time ago because I had the ovals on both hands. She told me that I'm very fertile (based on the striations of the crease between my pinkie and my hand) and that I'm frustrated about something in my marriage (based on a crease between my first and middle fingers of my right hand). She attributed that to the infertility too.
The rest of the night was kind of melancholy; just talking about it with a stranger felt kind of weird and sad, and renewed my disappointment that I was hundreds of miles from my husband during that cycle's fertile time. And though I still don't really believe that palm reading is truth, it was still worth my hour and a half wait just for the experience.
After standing in line for an hour and a half or so...
The reader sat me down and hovered her hands over my palms, stroking the air, and asked "do you have any questions for me?"
"Tell me about babies!"
"Oh! You want them? When do you want them?"
"Oh, a year ago or so, heh."
"...Well, you don't have any barriers, you should be fine."
"That's true - it's not me, it's my husband."
"Ah, yes! So what are you doing about it so far?"
"We think that IVF is probably our only option..."
"I see that being successful once; but I see you having a few babies; it looks like all your husband really needs is a little help and then he'll be fine. And then you can have a whole baseball team if you want."
She also found ovals on my palms, which I guess represent something incredibly emotionally stressful and difficult that I've been protecting myself from; and that it happened a long time ago because I had the ovals on both hands. She told me that I'm very fertile (based on the striations of the crease between my pinkie and my hand) and that I'm frustrated about something in my marriage (based on a crease between my first and middle fingers of my right hand). She attributed that to the infertility too.
The rest of the night was kind of melancholy; just talking about it with a stranger felt kind of weird and sad, and renewed my disappointment that I was hundreds of miles from my husband during that cycle's fertile time. And though I still don't really believe that palm reading is truth, it was still worth my hour and a half wait just for the experience.
The Next Step
C completed his three months of Clomid, and on Friday he submitted another sample. The changes were negligible.
Today he had an appointment with his urologist, who shared the results and said "everything looks good except for motility." That was good news; I'd thought that the count and the morphology were crappy as well. So yay for that I guess.
C said that the urologist gave us the go-ahead to search out our own RE; he suggested OHSU and said that we don't need any referrals. I have a couple of options; I just need to do a bit more research. The urologist also said we might want to try artificial insemination first if we're worried about the cost of IVF; I'm not sure that'd be worth it if the sperm can't move but we'll see what the RE suggests.
We had small tentative conversations last night and today about the money issue, too. We took a hit this year in our taxes, and having a larger rent payment than the last place and having a car payment and that kind of thing is making C a bit worried that we're not going to be able to easily pay down another ten thousand dollar chunk of debt (that's more than half of our car). I worry about having the conversation "for real;" I'm always afraid in the back of my mind that he is going to decide it's not worth it to pay that much money just for the chance to get pregnant.
So in the meantime, I'll take another look at our RE options in Portland, and then once we visit them we can see if they can allay the fears about cost. I have confidence that ICSI will work, since as far as anyone can tell I have no fertility problems. But even though I feel good about moving onto the next step, actually being pregnant still feels so far off...
Today he had an appointment with his urologist, who shared the results and said "everything looks good except for motility." That was good news; I'd thought that the count and the morphology were crappy as well. So yay for that I guess.
C said that the urologist gave us the go-ahead to search out our own RE; he suggested OHSU and said that we don't need any referrals. I have a couple of options; I just need to do a bit more research. The urologist also said we might want to try artificial insemination first if we're worried about the cost of IVF; I'm not sure that'd be worth it if the sperm can't move but we'll see what the RE suggests.
We had small tentative conversations last night and today about the money issue, too. We took a hit this year in our taxes, and having a larger rent payment than the last place and having a car payment and that kind of thing is making C a bit worried that we're not going to be able to easily pay down another ten thousand dollar chunk of debt (that's more than half of our car). I worry about having the conversation "for real;" I'm always afraid in the back of my mind that he is going to decide it's not worth it to pay that much money just for the chance to get pregnant.
So in the meantime, I'll take another look at our RE options in Portland, and then once we visit them we can see if they can allay the fears about cost. I have confidence that ICSI will work, since as far as anyone can tell I have no fertility problems. But even though I feel good about moving onto the next step, actually being pregnant still feels so far off...
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